T: Hey mum, I'm home,
I got a haircut like you told me to.
B: Hey Darl, I thought you were going to Damo's?
Come up stairs and show me your new doo.
T: I did go to Damo's, his sister cut it for me,
She could open up her own shop.
B: Damo's sister's twelve, she must be a savant,
now come up stairs and show me your new mop.
T: M'kay, I hope you like it
cos I'm diggin the shit out of it.
B: OI! Language!
Only mothers are allowed to say shit.
T: I'm right behind you now
you can stop bleaching the bath.
B: HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!
Why'd you go and do something so daft?!
T: It's not that daft really… Its just a haircut
Its just my very first mullet!
And I'm feeling good.
Ain't that what it's all about madre?
B: Mate, its not the 80s…
Thats not fashion, its suicide.
T: It can't be that bad,
what if I get it dyed?
B: Someones gonna die in a minute,
You're making my heart palpitate.
T: Y'know I'm no good with big words
I'm the first kid to get a negative reading age in this state.
B: Yeah, and zygotes are probably
better decision makers than you.
T: Hey now, goats don't make decisions
otherwise they wouldn't end up glue.
B: Thats horses mate, but anyway
what provoked you into such sin?
T: I thought the mullet was the epitome of hairstyle practically.
I imagined the top of my head would be so much cooler
but I could still feel the back blowing in the wind.
B: Darl, thats not reason enough
to get a mullet!
Now tell me why you got that abomination of a thing…
T: Mum, I'm in love with a man.
A man with a mullet.
And you always told me there's nothing wrong
with loving someone.
He brings me comfort
when I dream
He's Al Montfort
He's more than he seems.
B: He brings you comfort?
T: Yeah, when I dream.
B: Well who the fuck is Al Montfort?
T: He's more than he seems.
He makes me cream.
from Emu War
released January 26, 2014
all rights reserved